Since my mom was in the hospital for actual Easter, the Easter Bunny was kind enough to come to my family's house yesterday. My family planned dinner around then so my husband and I could be there. I was happy I didn't technically "miss" the holiday.
I decided to shower yesterday before getting ready to go. Mistake. I have chronic pain, and the shower was taxing and miserable. When it came time to get in my wheelchair... I couldn't.
My husband and I tried multiple times. My body wouldn't cooperate. I didn't have any strength left. I was stressed and angry. I've always lifted myself before, even when I weighed over a hundred pounds more than I do now. My strength is something I depend on. We ended up calling my brother to come help us, which worked.
My last chemotherapy treatment is tomorrow. I'm terrified I won't be able to get in my wheelchair to go. I can't miss chemo. I'm afraid my husband will get hurt trying to lift me, or I'll have to suffer humiliation as I phone EMTs for help.
Chemotherapy is cumulative and saps my strength. Chemotherapy exhausts me for extended periods each dose, which has the added drawback of triggering my tachycardia. But, I'm not used to weakness. It's so hard to deal with.
No comments:
Post a Comment